My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
