mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
