I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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