haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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