You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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