Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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