I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize