she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
