All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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