is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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