Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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