she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
