I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
