can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
