someone owes me an orgasm
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
