My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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