he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
