Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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