Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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