so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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