Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
