Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
