At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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