Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
