You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
