dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
