I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
