I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
