She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Found the puke drawer
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My dick has a subreddit
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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