Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize