The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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