Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
