How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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