Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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