He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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