Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
