What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
