what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
