Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
