They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize