Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
