My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This is the high leading the old right now
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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