yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
