I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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