My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
