He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My ass is underappreciated
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
