We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
