If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize