i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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