a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
