dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
no you cant smoke seaweed
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Found the puke drawer
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
