Can Purell be used as lube?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
