You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
