My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
