i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
