Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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