so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
