I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Randomize
