I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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