Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
