So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
