3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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