that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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