i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
