You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
