Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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