so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
