they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
