Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
