I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
