im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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