he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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