Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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