After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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