drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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